Such courses will not be taught to newlyweds.
1. The first year after the wedding is very scary
Honeymoon, love, family nest. Somehow they describe the beginning of family life. Only many years later, routine, life, quarrels and disagreements will begin, and at the start everything is rosy.
No one warns that it was in this first year that black thoughts prevailed: what if it was a mistake? Suddenly, we all in vain started all this and nothing will work?
Some happy newlyweds in a confidential conversation may split: “Yes, I was scared, and I was afraid that family life would not suit me.” But such experiences are not thrown to the public, the facade of the new family should shine and shimmer like a fairy glade with unicorns.
The word forever is strong. At first it scares.
After all, we ourselves decided to get married, we were so eager for a life together. Why is there a chilling fear at the thought that this is – forever? What did we take a step after which we can’t go back?
Only then comes the understanding that fear is normal when it becomes clear that this is forever the best thing that could happen in life.
2. All people are wrong
It seems like we are gradually growing up, forget school settings and learn to live with the fact that mistakes are normal. We take them as a useful experience, we learn lessons. A mistake is even good, we understand over the years.
And then the partner is mistaken. And it’s not that someone forgot to congratulate on the anniversary or ate your chocolate bar.
No wisdom helps at a time when the partner is mistaken strongly, almost fatally. It is then that you immediately forget that mistakes are a variant of the norm, that without them there is nothing.
Accepting other people’s mistakes is much more difficult than their own.
Everyone has their own ideas about what is considered an unforgivable sin, but sooner or later everyone faces a choice: to give a loved one the right to make a mistake or decide that this is too much.
3. People are changing
It is impossible to re-educate an adult, but people know how to re-educate themselves. And suddenly it may turn out that you are not living at all with the person with whom you once exchanged rings.
People change bodies, habits, work, attitudes and beliefs. The process is exciting, and if you are lucky to change together, you will never be bored.
But there is one thing. You may be close to the person you no longer want to be with, because he does not look like the one you fell in love with many years ago.
4. The child will take first place
In general, a normal person always has himself in the first place, and only then everyone else. When a family is created , in the first place you love after yourself – a partner, the second half, your happiness and everything else.
And then children appear and become more important, more important, first. Probably so. Maybe it was nature conceived. Maybe this is just an anomaly that is interfering. Be that as it may, it is difficult to accept two facts:
- Your favorite person is no longer number one.
- You are not number one for a loved one.
No, your feelings do not change, they even become stronger and stronger, seriously. It’s just that each of you now has a child, and this becomes more important.
5. No one will appreciate
Never, for no reason, under any pretext, should one make sacrifices to the family. Nobody needs them, nobody will appreciate them.
Everything that you do for the family because you want it that way, because you like it that way. And the sacrifice is when you refuse something immensely expensive.
When you get up half an hour earlier to cook breakfast for everyone on the weekend, because you love to cook and want to please your loved ones, this is a care, a gift and this is a sacrifice.
6. It is not true that everyone is equally happy
Even one family in different years is happy in different ways. It is useless to compare two families.
When difficulties arise, articles about how to improve family life and deal with everything that has piled up work poorly. Therefore, the advice of parents, friends and gurus does not cost absolutely nothing.
And that is why it is so important to seek your own happiness, even if it does not correspond to other people’s ideas.
7.10 years is very little
When I crossed the line of “10 years married,” it turned out that this is a lot. This is already considered a considerable experience, and relatives, congratulating on the anniversary, wish to “love each other, as before.”
I have no idea who invented that 10 years after the wedding is a crisis, that after this the relationship changes, that love is not the same, there is no passion and all that.
After 10 years, everything is just beginning, because the strongest love is always only here and now. I think that after 15, 20 and how many more years there the situation is the same.