It would seem that just recently you spent dozens of sleepless nights with your little one in your hands, and today he is stomping with flowers to school. During his growing up, the child causes a lot of trouble, but you are unlikely to want to part even with a minute of these memories. That’s what this is all about in the touching text of Alexandra Dovlatova , which she wrote for our colleagues from the Buknik Jr publishing house .
We has noted every word of parents and wants you to appreciate its strength.
At first they do not smile. Then do not roll over. They don’t want to sit down, grow their teeth, crawl and, in the end, go. In fact, of course, they could all do this: three neurologists, two pediatricians, five or eight studies confirm that they are sufficiently developed. Just being bullied.
They mock and do not want to talk, gain weight, eat broccoli, use the pot for its intended purpose, and not a new daddy’s boot. They refuse to string the rings on the pyramid, share a shovel with a nasty boy in a hat with a green pompom and cry when they ask: “You had three sweets, and your mother took two. How many sweets are left? ”
They pretend that they don’t know how to fasten shoes, put on a jacket and do not want to be friends with cute girl Lisa. They tear pantyhose, lose their mittens, take off in the puddles – yes, they just scoff.
They also get sick. They have ears, teeth, stomachs and also, sorry. Moreover, the severity of the disease is always directly proportional to the workload of parents. They are on purpose!
They mock and do not say “p”, “w” and twenty-two more sounds. They pretend that they can’t learn to read in any way, and in spite of you they consider lemon is vegetable, and goat is wild animal.
They scoff when they yell at the whole minibus: “Mom, did this fat aunt pay for two places or one?”
They mock when, sadly propping their cheek, talking to a speech therapist:
- Well, boy, imagine that I have never seen oranges. What are they like?
- Yes, I myself do not often see them.
And when they inform the teacher that their favorite fairy-tale characters – Nyusha, SpongeBob and Homer Simpson – they also scoff.
Now their leg grows three sizes over the summer, and their hands stick out of the brand new overalls so that the neighbor wonders: “Oh, what a charm! Mummy, probably, wore it in childhood? ” Well, isn’t that a mockery ?!
They have long been smiling, surprisingly charming, in response to “What, however, didn’t ask anything?” They sit perfectly, especially at the computer. At the piano, yes, it hasn’t been given yet. Crawl also excellent. However, only in a hole under the school fence. Masterfully add sweets to themselves and more – cutlets. They already know how to pour soup into the toilet, but they will not learn how to drain water after that. By the way, the teeth fell out a long time ago, and new ones grow immediately with holes, as if in mockery.
Oh, they read beautifully, loudly and expression. Unfortunately, not an English textbook, but inscriptions on fences. Not only perfectly pronounce all sounds, but also enthusiastically guess those that it is customary to drown out in television programs by “beating.”
But now they can not distinguish salt from d, and major from minor. In addition, the exam reports that the author of this beautiful opera is Chukovsky.
They tear their pants and lose their gloves as before, but this does not bother anyone, because it’s special chic to lose a school backpack, with all the textbooks. I don’t even want to remember about removable shoes.
But they are talking. Moreover, they do it all the time: in the car, at breakfast, in the classroom, in the theater and even in a dream. They endlessly tell funny jokes and, even worse, sometimes share the plot of a book they read with classmates: “Yes, everything is simple: this pepper returned from Europe, the bride changed, and in general everyone was stunned. Well, why, he caught a wheelbarrow and dumped it back! ”
They are embarrassed to read poetry aloud in front of teacher, but they are not at all afraid at the same lesson to declare their love to the nasty blonde from the second desk. Neurologists and speech therapists have long been replaced by rusichki and mathematicians: children are still doing everything for someone to scold parents. The height of the bullying is a remark from the teacher of painting: “Can’t cope with the program!” By drawing!
And – oh, horror! – now they go. From the bus stop to the house, on a visit to the neighboring entrance, to the ice cream shop, to the music school through two roads without a traffic light. And they smile dazzlingly when their parents, losing their natural pigment and nerve cells, ask: “Walk here for five minutes, where have you been for half an hour? Are you kidding?!”
But the worst thing that you understand: a little more – and they will leave. In the next apartment. To the blonde from the second desk. They will move to Australia or Nizhny Novgorod. For good. And no one, no one will scoff at you! So, probably, the second, and third, and tenth children are born, who again scoff and refuse to smile, sit, crawl, walk. Here it is, happiness!
And what trick of your child will you never forget?