Many married people often repeat that divorce is not an option. However, not all marriages are destined to last forever, and for various reasons people have to take drastic measures. When a crisis begins in the family, many couples think about ending the relationship. But, if you think about it, no personal connection is complete without conflict. You need to be able to stop and save the marriage, if it is still possible.
We are sure: as soon as you say the words “I want to get a divorce,” it’s almost impossible to get everything back. We have prepared a list of questions that psychologists recommend asking yourself to prevent a breakup.
1. Desire for divorce connected only with the actions of partner or with my inner state?
We’ll get into the actual feelings of being overwhelmed in a moment, but what’s perhaps most telling about anxiety is that it actually overwhelms the brain in ways you may not even realize. If you live in a state of severe stress from an unstable financial situation, illness, childbirth, then every little nuisance will seem huge and insurmountable.
Think about how you reacted to situations like this before when you were less stressed, and try to figure out what is wrong. Perhaps it’s not a partner, but your attitude.
2. Refers whether the spouse to me better than the other?
Over the years, some people change their attitude to each other and to replace the care, attention, love and respect suddenly comes rudeness and contempt. When communicating, the partners may make frequent unfounded cheating accusations, utter cruel remarks regarding your goals and accomplishments, or try to convince you that your grievances are made-up as a result of their own inferiority complexes. And with others, he would definitely have behaved differently. Compare how your spouse interacts with you and with friends, colleagues, or relatives in similar situations. And draw your conclusions.
3. Is my partner pressing on me?
After a while after getting married or starting a serious relationship, many people reconsider their opinions about various aspects of life and change themselves – externally and internally. But if one of the partners presses and tries to forcibly change the other, then something is going wrong.
For example, one of the spouses prefers to spend time at home, while the other loves communication and noisy companies. There are two ways: to find formats of recreation that suit both, or try to change your partner through coercion and manipulation. The second is blatant disrespect. The same applies to communication with relatives, financial issues, communication with friends, arguments about raising children. It is important to be able to give in.
4. Who is my emotional support?
Often in a marital relationship, one of the partners seeks understanding and support from someone “outside” of his marriage – a friend or relative. This phenomenon is called “emotional infidelity.” Your relationship with this person shouldn’t be romantic at all. Many people who have lost their closeness in marriage find it easier to create an emotional connection with someone else than it is to communicate with their spouse, and this can destroy the relationship over time. The best way to deal with this is to try to be more open and trusting.
5. Do we often compromise?
Compromise is a necessary part of any successful, enduring marriage.
As Ph.D Leon F. Seltzer, says “Unless we become skilled in the fine art of compromise, our relationship can quickly degrade into feelings of dissatisfaction and discord. Not to mention a disillusioning sense of being all alone in the relationship,”
Make sure when you agree to a compromise that you will not hold this sacrifice over your spouse’s head, doubt your decision, or stew about it. You have to make the decision, stick with it, and move forward in a positive light.
6. Are we growing in this relationship?
In long-term happy relationships, people develop together, their interests, outlook on life change, they strive for one goal that connects them. If you notice that your partner is stuck in one place or degrading and does not try to fix it, then the chances are high that the relationship is doomed.
7. Do I want to maintain physical contact with my partner?
It is generally about desire to touch the spouse : to take hand, hug, touch. By the way, it so happens when partners maintain intimacy as a way to satisfy physiological needs, but in everyday life they do not even touch each other. And in vain, because it is just such simple actions that help keep in touch for many years and quickly establish relationships.
8. Does partner understand what exactly not suit me?
Husband or wife may simply not be aware of your complaints and reasons for dissatisfaction if you have never directly talked about them before. And even if you spoke up, the partner may not have absorbed the information, since usually people do not hear everything that said to them .
Perhaps the behavior of life partner does not change just because he still does not know what is required of him. It is necessary to choose the moment when the spouse is not busy with their own affairs, and once again briefly and to the point express objective claims, expectations and suggest possible solutions.
9. How well do I communicate with my partner?
Lack of communication in marriage is one of the reasons for divorce. Many people who seriously considered breaking up have never had a marriage that was more than just two people living together, fulfilling their own needs. It is not enough simply to share the life and interests of the children – to be together emotionally and seek to understand each other. To make the connection stronger, you need to devote about 20 minutes a day to have a conversation with your partner – just talk, exchange opinions , talk about ups and downs.
10. What will my life look like without a partner?
Imagine and think about how everything will be. Everything is important here – from the emotional state to everyday difficulties and financial issues. Having a clear understanding of what all areas of your life will look like after divorce will help you make a decision. But if you are really unhappy together, it is best to get a divorce .
If you have children, then you will always be parents and you are destined to be present in each other’s life until the end of your days. It is important to minimize bad situation on children, because they often take everything personally and blame themselves for family problems. The main thing is to save mom and dad in their lives, who may not live together, but love their kids, no matter.
What ways and secrets do you have for maintaining family relationships?
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