It happens that love arises in the head, and not in the heart. We replace this feeling with attachment, our own projections, and hope. We build relationships with the image of another, we confuse a real person with idealized ideas about him. Here are a few signs that you are doing just that.
1. You are more in love when you are apart.
Let’s make a reservation right away: we are not talking about those partners who were separated by circumstances – work, quarantine, the temporary inability to move to each other. We are talking about those who are not forced to live separately – they just choose this option.
If you live in the same city, but prefer to miss each other, write long messages and periodically call up, most likely, you are in a relationship with a certain “ideal”, and not with a real person.
2. When you spend time together, it may turn out that you don’t get along very well.
How does a joint pastime end? Quarrel? The desire to be alone as soon as possible? The unpleasant feeling that your usual way of life has been disturbed?
When your partner is around, what does his presence give you? Calmness, serenity, or the feeling that you are limited in something?
All couples have difficult times, but if the negative scenario repeats itself every time, it’s time to think. Do you get on each other’s nerves every day? It’s time to admit: you are not as compatible as you would like to think.
Try to imagine the person you are in love with as a colleague. How would you work together?
3. You would not want to be friends with such a person
If you weren’t in love with your partner, would you want to be friends with him? Getting rid of the romantic flair can be tricky, but try to answer the question. If the answer is “no” – next to you is not the one who is needed. Most likely, this person satisfies some of your need, closes a gap in your life.
4. You would not like to work together
In a sense, living together is work – in the sense of “partnership”, “cooperation”. Try to imagine the person you are in love with as a colleague. How would you work together? Would you trust him with your money or your source of livelihood? Could you rely on him and trust his opinion? If the answer is no, it’s time to take off your rose-colored glasses.
5. You have too different values, priorities and plans
In their youth, most believe that love will win everything, the main thing is feelings. With age, it becomes clear that feelings alone are not enough, compatibility is also needed. Are your views on life, expectations from marriage, plans similar? What do you both want in the future? Are they focused on family, children, career development?
If you are forced to constantly compromise and sacrifice something, think about it: it might be worth ending the relationship before it’s too late. Especially if…
6. The partner has already clearly told you that he is not ready for obligations
Another thing is that we could easily have not heard such an unpleasant truth – otherwise we would have had to make a decision. If a person says that he is not aimed at a serious relationship now, you should not entertain yourself with the illusion that thanks to you he (s) will change his mind – perhaps not, and you will simply waste time.
We are afraid of loneliness, we are afraid to take a step into the unknown to find out who we are and what we are capable of
7. Partner gives mixed signals
It seems to you that this is “the one”, there is chemistry, a spark between you, but at the same time you are not sure that he appreciates you, respects, and is determined to invest in a relationship. You should think very hard: are you misleading yourself?
8. You or your partner sabotage any attempts to move forward in the relationship.
It happens that we are simply not yet ready for a relationship, but instead of breaking up with a partner, we begin to unconsciously sabotage their development – we are not in a hurry to move in or take another important step. Most likely, the fact is that deep down we know: this is not what we need right now or in general.
9. Deep down, you understand that this is not your person, but you are afraid of what lies ahead
We are often left with the wrong partner because we are afraid of what will come after the breakup. We pause our life, use it as an anchor, and sway on the waves without moving anywhere.
We are afraid of loneliness, afraid to take a step into the unknown to find out who we are and what we are capable of. We are afraid of the path that lies ahead, and therefore we cling to the one who is near. Instead of thinking if you are the right partner for your current partner, consider: is he right for you?
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