How to Talk With Partner About Sex

Sex is not always a pleasure. One of the possible reasons: we are shy about talking about it. A few steps will help you open up and share your desires with your partner without any embarrassment.


Sex is not always the perfect complement to each other. Desires change, as does mood. Today I want one, tomorrow another. And mankind is not able to read minds yet. Instead of guessing, talk.

How to Talk With Partner About Sex

1. Stop being shy

We are embarrassed to talk about sex and our preferences. We are afraid that we will be misunderstood or that we will seem strange. For many, talking about sex is a taboo learned from childhood. For others, sex is a very personal matter, and talking about it is extremely difficult. Therefore, the first thing to do to start a conversation is to put aside shyness.

Talking about sex, as well as engaging in it, is not a shame.

To overcome the embarrassment, start the conversation with a few distant things: whether or not you liked what exactly you liked. Do not be afraid to say “I want to.” Also, one should not forget about wishes during sex. In the process, speaking is much easier, because at this moment you do not feel constraint – the brain is absorbed in another. Therefore, start voicing your desires while you have sex, and do not forget about compliments and an easy discussion after.


2. Speak directly

Another big mistake is to try to explain what you want with hints. Firstly, few understand the hints. Secondly, a person can understand the hint quite wrong. Thirdly, walking around the bush only gives rise to misunderstanding.

Let us give an example of two options for dialogue:

Dialogue leading to misunderstanding

– There is hand. 
– There? 
– Not there, but there. 
“I don’t understand where!”


Dialogue leading to understanding

– deeper. 
– Like this? 
– Stronger! .. Wow, good!

In the first case, the partner does not understand what to do, and the desire disappears. Dialogue leads to quarrel and mutual dissatisfaction. In the second – it bears its fruits and leads to mutual pleasure.

Understand that the partner also enjoys if you feel good. Sex is not a one-goal game.

Therefore speak directly. If you are afraid to voice your very deepest desires, start with short statements: “more tender”, “softer”, “faster”, “slower”.


3. Think about desires and preferences

A common problem: a person himself does not know what he wants and what he loves. If you are not ready to experiment, then think about what you like from the classic set. Ask yourself some questions.

  1. What kind of foreplay do you like?
  2. Which poses are preferable for you?
  3. Why exactly these poses?
  4. What are you dreaming about?
  5. When you think about sex, what poses or caresses do you imagine?

Most often, our brain in dreams, sexual fantasies or erotic dreams gives a hint about our preferences or hidden desires.

If you understand exactly what you want, then it will be much easier to voice it.


4. Find out what the partner wants

This is the easiest part. In order to find out about the preferences of a partner, it is not always necessary to talk. Watch him during sex. And no, this does not mean that you need to look in all eyes. Try, experiment, unleash your imagination and remember.

Start with foreplay, pay attention to which actions give the most pleasure. This is not so difficult to understand: by sounds, breathing, body movements, and even requests.

After sex, remember what you liked the most, what poses the partner prefers.

The next step will already be a conversation. Ask if he loves this or that, whether he likes to do, and whether he loves blowjob, and if so, which one. Do not forget to learn about poses .

Then it’s worth moving on to fantasies. Perhaps you should try the simplest sex toys or role-playing games. Or have sex not on the usual bed, but at least in the kitchen, hallway or bathroom.

5. When to talk about sex

There is a place and time for each conversation.

If you voice momentary desires that make the process better and bring it closer to the pinnacle of pleasure – “faster”, “slower”, “more tender” and so on – then this should be said during sex.

Imagine the situation: you finished, and then said that you would like more tender and slower. Firstly, the partner may be offended that you did not say this in the process. Secondly, he will remember and next time he will do as you want. But desires can change: yesterday you wanted tenderness, and today you dream of a passionate rough sex.

Another thing is the subsequent discussion of what you liked. You can compliment, say that you appreciated some kind of posture or movement. Talking about it in the process does not make sense, as it can lead to a rhythm and it turns out that you are discussing it instead of having sex.

The third option is to talk about innermost desires and fantasies. A frank conversation about sex starts no worse than foreplay. This is the first argument. The second – sometimes the preparation is necessary for the realization of fantasies: moral or material.

For example, you decided to try a role-playing game with the simplest attributes: blindfolds, handcuffs or wrists tied with a ribbon. But to start, you must, firstly, be prepared for the fact that you find yourself in the power of a partner. Secondly, the necessary ribbon, scarf or bandage may not be in your home. Accordingly, it is necessary to discuss before the process, and not frantically search for inventory during or regret after.

6. How not to offend and not overdo it

There are a few simple rules here.

Do not look for negativity, notice only the good

Exception: if you are in pain or discomfort. In this case, you will not offend, but avoid problems. In other cases, a discussion of the negative will not lead to anything good. But if you voice what was good, the next time it will be even better, because they will know about your desires.

Do not seek to talk a lot during sex

Yes, you can guide or prompt. The main thing is not to turn sex into a morning conversation with a cup of coffee and a newspaper or to be in the role of a teacher of an inexperienced student. In the first case, you will talk more than do business. In the second – you make your partner feel awkward, as if he does not know how. This will adversely affect his self-esteem, and he is unlikely to soon want a repetition, if any.

Remember that sex is a mutual pleasure

Agree, it’s nice to feel when you are very much wanted, and to know that you know how to deliver pleasure. Therefore, do not be afraid to discuss it – and the process will become not ordinary , like brushing your teeth, but something that is pleasant to think about and remember.


So, repeat the steps.

  1. Forget about embarrassment.
  2. Speak directly.
  3. Think what you want.
  4. Find out what the partner wants.
  5. Choose the right moment.
  6. Talk about the good.

Good luck and mutual enjoyment!

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