Whatever choice we make in life, there will always be someone who considers himself entitled to condemn or point out which would be more correct. It’s time to stop paying attention to it and get rid of the guilt about the way we arrange life.
Imagine a situation: you order a decaf latte and they bring you a double espresso. What do you say? “Sorry, but it doesn’t seem to be exactly what I ordered”? Everything is correct. Only here the word “sorry” is better removed.
A recent study found that women are more likely to apologize than men. And not because we are more polite. The fact is that for decades society has instilled a sense of guilt for the fact that we generally have our own opinions or desires and needs. It’s time to stop asking for forgiveness for our existence and the choices we make. Never apologize for …
1. Your “love status”
To be free (not lonely, but to be free) is not a crime, no matter how often your mother hints at the opposite when she asks when she will finally see you in a white dress. And if you have a partner and for some reason do not want to enter into an official marriage, this is also not a crime. It is quite possible to live without a stamp in the passport, but enjoying each other’s .
Are you married and happy as a housewife? This is no less a worthy choice than any other if you are satisfied and feel in your place. Whatever your Facebook status, your personality is not determined by the situation on the personal front. It doesn’t matter who or what thinks about it. This is your life, and you live it, not your mother or friends, who know exactly how it should be.
2. How you use the uterus
Yes, I’m sorry (oh, again, sorry!) For being straightforward, but that’s exactly what it’s called. Are your parents tired of hints that they want to babysit their grandchildren, while you firmly understand that motherhood is not your way? You have every right to do so and are not obliged to make excuses for it, even if you change your mind in ten years. Or you won’t change your mind.
To give birth or not, how often to give birth, how many times to give birth – only concerns you
Or maybe they tell you that only egoists give birth to only one child? Or a friend foaming at the mouth proves that the earth is overpopulated and giving birth to a third child is sheer madness (and you want five)? It’s only your choice. To give birth or not, how often to give birth, how many times to give birth – only concerns you. Even if we are talking about surrogacy (consider, this is a rented uterus, that is, temporarily yours). Being a parent is a lifelong choice, and you shouldn’t make such decisions for the sake of someone else’s beliefs.
3. The way you raise your children
There is not a speck in your house, the children are clean and tidy, the dog does not bark and follows all the commands, but one of your friends still dropped: “Real mothers don’t have this order?” Or is your child watching a cartoon while you have decided to relax for ten minutes with a cup of morning coffee, and you feel guilty: a good mother would be engaged in the development of the child, and not include a cartoon for him? Or maybe you secretly can’t wait for the day when the children finally grow up and leave the parent’s nest? However, don’t berate yourself. You are doing your best. Nobody can say what it means to be a “real mom”. Therefore, you are a real mother, who you are.
4. How often you have sex
It is believed that the happiest couples have sex at least twice a week. And if one time is enough for you and your husband, then the marriage is on the verge of collapse? Or do you consider it necessary to make excuses for increased libido, when girlfriends raise their eyebrows at your revelations like “We have three times a day”? As long as you and your partner are comfortable with the frequency of intimate contact, no one’s opinion should worry you. When we have sex against our will, it can damage our psyche and relationships.
Every day, twice a week, once a month … This does not characterize either your union, or the strength of love, or the degree of happiness. The main thing is that you feel good as often as you want.
5. How successful are you
Are you in your 30s and not making six figures yet? It means that you have no ambition and you are a failure. Are you in love with your job and are happy to storm career heights? You are too fixated on this. Have you succeeded, but hide it so that you are not envied? Or are you VLD – just a housewife? It’s not a shame, because you had such potential.
At best, you will feel pride for a short time, but disappointment will follow.
Everyone who utters this phrase must first try to be “just a housewife” and at the same time raise children – he will probably be very surprised how much strength and that very potential it requires.
Whatever you do and how much money you earn, work is important not only for you, but for the whole society. And trying to reach the bar of success set by other people will not lead to anything good. At best, you will feel pride for a while, but disappointment will follow after it, because this is not what the soul is in.
6. The way you paint or not paint
It takes you an hour to get your makeup done, do you constantly watch videos of beauty bloggers teaching beauty? Or can you leave the house 10 minutes after the alarm went off and think you look great today? Or maybe you are an ideological supporter of naturalness in appearance? This is solely your choice. Spending half of your salary on cosmetics or giving up on cosmetics is not a crime against society at all. If complex and unusual makeup cheers you up, keep up the good work. If you believe that there is nothing more beautiful than the face and hair color that nature has endowed you with, you are great. The main thing is to be confident in your choice and not consider it necessary to make excuses for it.
7. The way you dress
Whether you prefer jeans with T-shirts, are in love with designer shoes or are devoted to strict classics, this does not concern anyone, not even someone who, with a tenacity worthy of a better application, insists: “A woman of your age should not dress like that.”
Your sense of self is a much better guide than fashion advice.
The choice of clothing affects your well-being. What style makes you feel like the queen of the world? Biker jacket and boots? Fine! Floor length dress and stiletto heels? Perfectly! Only you can make a choice, but not your parents, friends or grandmothers at the entrance. Your sense of self is a much better guideline than fashion advice.
8. How your body looks like
You can be proud of your abs or love curvy hips. Whatever the scales show you, whatever size you wear, it doesn’t define your personality. This refers to the length of the legs, the size and shape of the chest, and a prominent or flat stomach. No one has the right to condemn how you look with or without a swimsuit. The only important thing is whether you are comfortable in your body.
9. Your age
Love your gray hair or visit a beautician who has prepared an injection of Botox? In modern society, there are too many rules that tell women what they can and cannot do with their appearance and age-related manifestations. But who came up with these rules and are we obliged to follow them, how to do it if they contradict each other?
No way. If we are made to look younger than our age, that implies that we should be ashamed of the natural aging process. If we are forced to be appropriate for age, it means that we should be ashamed of the desire and opportunity to stay young for as long as possible. Both are wild, experience shows that you can preserve youthful spirit even at 90 – it’s all about how you live and how you relate to life. And if you think that an injection of Botox will not hurt you, no one has the right to condemn.
10. Small treats
Someone cannot start the day without coffee from Starbucks, someone does a pedicure every two weeks, someone sleeps and sees a new stamp in their passport. And there will always be someone who will say: “I don’t understand why you are spending so much money on this”. If you don’t go into debt for these pleasures and they give you joy, keep doing what you enjoy. Life is short, and we are constantly faced with difficulties, so the mantra “Treat yourself at the earliest opportunity” should be learned by everyone without exception.
Stop wasting valuable energy on excuses and explanations you don’t have to give. Stop asking for forgiveness for your life and it will immediately get better.
Text by Jennifer
Photo by: Getty Images